This is another one of my inadequate attempts to thank you for your devotion to Pat. Your time, creative effort, Pat stories, conversation, Pat tour, dinners, hand holding, and shared crying will resonate with us always. You provided some of the few moments of relief we have known since his death. My tears fall on the keyboard as I try to summon the words and strength to tell you how dearly I hold your sympathy.
Sheena, you were the driving force behind the memorial service March 18th. I cannot thank you enough for organizing such a well-attended tribute. You managed to create beauty and meaning out of misery. Your heart showed through gallantly. You spent three days sharing the best and worst moments. The stories of Pat tutoring you in math for eight minutes and then yakking for three hours were like gold to us. To see the actual math building the next day was even better. It helped us picture both of you. I was desperate to know he had good moments and you proved that he did. I know we sapped your strength and your tears, but you gave us many good memories at a time when we are dwelling on the horror of loss. You are a dear to do so much for him and us. We will value your kindness for the rest of our lives. You have help to repair the shattered bond to him.
Lauren, you have also shared good and bad moments, but mostly bad, and you came all the way to Connecticut to do it. Then you were at Stanford when your own family was in crisis. Your quiet manner, your kind eyes, your silent grace were a model of what a good friend should be. Pat was lucky to have you and so are we. You have sacrificed your time, money, and academics because of us and I can only tell you that we are deeply grateful but also worried that you are under so much pressure. School, especially Stanford, waits for no one. I will feel better when you actually graduate. I hope your teachers are truly understanding. You should get A's based on character alone.
Ryan, you have given us some of the best moments since we found out the news. I cling to your stories and your pictures. I lost the most precious thing in the world to me-one of my children-and you gave him back to me as much as possible. I loved your eulogy. Your stories of Pat's humor (“Intense. Like campers?”) will stay with me always. I wished I could have stayed with you all night listening to Pat stories. You knew him as well as anyone and I treasure your memories more than my own. I felt that you shared my grief intimately because you filled in many years since he left home. Your pictures with captions in chronological order are safely backed up and I've looked at them many times. You were dear to follow up with such a time-consuming email. I know how long it takes to write. This one has been taking up much of the evening.
Kyle, you sacrificed so much time coming for the memorial all the way from LA. I was so glad to see you because I remember what a good friend you were freshman year. I was always relieved that Pat had a friend to drive down to LA. Thank you for the dedication of being there for us, of escorting us around campus with Sheena, and sharing all your support. Thank goodness he had you and your mom to take that fabulous picture in front of the Hoover Tower. It takes my breath away to see you both in such a magnificent setting, the world opening up to you on such an impressive level. Now it's left to you, and all other friends of Pat's, to make the most of your lives, to have the conversations, think the grand thoughts, have the intimate dinners, and see the world which Pat cannot see any longer. Do it for yourselves. Do it for him. Most of all, know that we love you and miss you desperately. Saying goodbye was like saying goodbye to Pat all over again.
Mr. Barth, I wish I had another night just to speak with you alone. It sounds like you knew Pat's first loves-German and music-and you could have explained much more to me about their effect. You understood the power of those poems, and I felt that you, better than anyone, could see their pull on his psyche. Somehow, I want everybody to see that. I want them to know that, as irrational as they may be, he had his reasons for doing what he did, and his reasons had a purity that he felt could be achieved no other way. I don't mean to glorify his actions. I want the trail that he followed to make some sense, even if it should never be followed again. I felt you understood that because you had an uneasy respect for the literature he loved. I would like to send you a CD of his music (if you wouldn't mind). And if anyone else would like a copy, please send me your address. I would be honored to have you listen.
To the very kind gentleman who gave the opening remarks, pardon me for not remembering your name. It's one of the many details which have slipped my mind as I try to absorb new sides of Pat's life. You were so right about friends indicating the quality of a person's character. His friends are now precious to me not only because they were Pat's life, but because they are perfect in and of themselves, just like Pat. Thank you for pointing that out so eloquently.
Andrew, your letter read by Sheena was a high tribute to Pat. You wrote so honestly about the dread with which life can be filled. To be honest, I was crying so much at the time that Pat would miss out on your friendship, that I didn't hear all of your letter. I would greatly appreciate it if you or Sheena could forward it to me. I would love to read it over and over. You were among Pat's best friends. Ryan has told me a few funny stories of visiting you at “Chappy” (do I have that correctly?) and getting loosened up before working on graphics at the Daily downstairs. Then Pat got to leave while Ryan stayed until 2:00 AM or so to put the paper to bed. Sounds like Pat got the better end of those evenings. Ryan said you were a good friend. I thank you with all my heart for the good times you gave Pat. I wish those years could have lasted forever. They seem to be the best of Pat's life thanks to friends like you. I give you my love and admiration for the moments when he was happy with you. I would very much like to send you a CD of his music also. If you could manage to forward your eulogy and send me your address I would be grateful.
To Alice, Patricia (whose stories of Trivial Pursuits sound a lot like mine with Pat. He knew trivia and I did not), Ali (whose pictures I have not even looked at yet. I'm nervous that I'm going to ruin them), Kathryn (who put us at ease about the storage unit. We did get his things successfully thanks to you), Meena (whose sad eyes and quiet voice spoke volumes of your love for Pat), Mike Love (whose facility with blogs has been an inspiration to me. All my love and thanks for creating this online tribute where I go for consolation and communication), and everyone else whose names I have forgotten-I love and cherish your thoughts for Pat. They have kept me going during the worst time of my life, and I will remember your kindness always. Please stay in touch, come visit so we can show you where Pat is resting, and call to cry with me. It helps immensely.
All our love,
Pat's family--Lisette, Bob, Libby, and Colin
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