Dear family and friends of Pat!

My name is Tobias, I would call myself a friend of Pat. I got to know him in Berlin in 2004 and spent some wonderful times with him there, as well as in Munich or in the Bavarian Alps, where he visited me and my family for a few days last year. I will try to set a picture here...
(and sorry for my english - it might not be perfect)


Those last weeks were, as for all of you I think, the sadest I have had in my whole life so far.

When you grow up, the whole world seems to be kind. There are your parents, taking care of you. There are your friends you are having good times with. Everything seems just to be wonderful, in your little protected world.
But, you’re getting older. And the older you get, the more terrible things are going to happen.
People around you, people you love, are getting illnesses, others might have accidents... and others would die.
As this is not difficult enough to handle, Pat left by his own decision. Left all of us with nothing but questions. And there is no chance to ever be able to tell him, that he is really loved.

Defenitiley, the world has started to scare me. What will be next...?


Pat set this sentence in one of those internet-profiles:
„Ich bin der Welt abhanden gekommen“
It is the begin of a poem by „Friedrich Rückert“ that Gustav Mahler edited in his „Rückert-Lieder“ (=Rueckert-Songs)... I feel free to put he english translation in this blog, although it really is „hard stuff“, especially in this situation:

I am lost to the world
with which I used to waste so much time,
It has heard nothing from me for so long
that it may very well believe that I am dead!

It is of no consequence to me
Whether it thinks me dead;
I cannot deny it,
for I really am dead to the world.

I am dead to the world's tumult,
And I rest in a quiet realm!
I live alone in my heaven,
In my love and in my song!
(original from Friedrich Rückert)


I am just thinking, this is something he wanted to tell us.

For me, there is nothing left but looking at pictures of him, remembering the wonderful times I was able to spend with him and be sad about those, I did not have him around. I know, I should not question so much, due to there will never be any answers.
I am trying to keep as much as I got to know of „Pat’s world“ alive in my world. And I promise, I always will.
„I rest in a quiet realm“ – I really hope, you do, little Pat!!