Dad’s reception at the Los Angeles Country Club with me (second from left and cousin Chris, brother Doug, cousin Skip, Karen, Ned, and Marina, and brother Doug.
After my dad’s funeral, March 3, 2007, came a series of numbing responsibilities. Pat’s head stone, decided after much agonizing, arrived at South Cemetery in Pomfret, barely a mile from our home. We had struggled with every part of it because none of it would ever be right. But after searching for shapes, designs, symbols, and inscriptions in Germany, through Steve and Ryan, at the Mt. Auburn Cemetery in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and at local cemeteries, we arrived at a classical style with a German epitaph. It was as good as we could make it, and in spite of the wrongness of the entire exercise, we felt relieved. It was over. We had made a place for Pat, and although going there is hardly satisfying, his grave is worthy and respectable. Bob goes more than any of us. He became a member of the Cemetery Board and maintains the grounds. Last year he raked many years worth of leaves and repaired the stone wall behind Pat’s head. Next year he will complete a new road so that hearses and visitors can drive through the new section, where Pat lies. The only part of Pat’s funeral that displeased Bob was that the hearse backed in to get Pat’s casket close enough to the grave site. It wasn’t the way it should have been done, he said later.
The epitaph, loved by Pat, comes from the German poet Friederich Rückert (1788-1866) and was set to music by Gustav Mahler in 1902.
It was translated by Pat’s good friend Steve in Berlin:
It was translated by Pat’s good friend Steve in Berlin:
Und ruh' in einem stillen Gebiet!
Ich leb' allein in meinem Himmel,
In meinem Lieben, in meinem Lied!
And I rest in a quiet realm.
I live alone in my heaven,
In my love and in my song.
It comes from a series of five songs, the last two of which I’m including because they so well capture the beauty, depth, and longing of Pat’s soul.
4. “I am Lost to the World”
I am lost to the world
with which I used to waste so much time,
It has heard nothing from me for so long
that it may very well believe that I am dead!
It is of no consequence to me
Whether it thinks me dead;
I cannot deny it,
for I really am dead to the world.
I am dead to the world’s tumult,
And I rest in a quiet realm!
I live alone in my heaven,
In my love and in my song!
5. “At Midnight”
At midnight
I awoke
and gazed up to heaven;
No star in the entire mass
did smile down at me
at midnight.
At midnight
I projected my thoughts
out past the dark barriers.
No thought of light
brought me comfort
at midnight.
At midnight
I paid close attention
to the beating of my heart;
One single pulse of agony
flared up
at midnight.
At midnight
I fought the battle,
o Mankind, of your suffering;
I could not decide it
with my strength
at midnight.
At midnight
I surrendered my strength
into your hands!
Lord! over death and life
You keep watch
at midnight!
The lyre is for Pat’s love of music, the olive branches for his wisdom,
and the Greek style for his classicism.
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